It was a hot, humid, and smoggy morning that I was awakened from my sleep by the ringing of the telephone.
It was the hospital, as both I and Mother knew it would be.
We were told that Ralph had passed at 5:00 am that morning.
I began to call around to tell family and friends that Ralph had died.
I first called Theresa and told her and she said that she had, had a dream in which she saw a hand tossing one of Ralph's soiled hospital robes into a garbage bin with the numbers 333 (God's Number) on it.
I then called our first cousin Marcy, whom is more like a sister to us than a cousin and one of Ralph's closest friends to tell her and she had said that Ralph had come to visit her in her dream the night before also.
I called Jaen and his sister Mildy, whom were Ralph's best friends.
They are loved and considered family to this day.
Jaen was my roommate at that time, so I called him first and he too told me that Ralph had visited him that night, and I later found out that Ralph had also visited Mildy when I called her.
As I called about, I began to feel awful for Ralph had not come to visit me.
It seemed he had visited all the people he loved and loved him except for me.
I thought it was because, I had lied to him the day we took him to the hospital for I said I did not have the key to his apartment to let him back in.
I did this because both my mother and I knew if he got back in the apartment we would not get him to go back into the hospital.
To get him to go I knew I had to break his defiant spirit, so I browbeat him by saying how dare he not tell anyone he was sick and exposing every one to that terrible risk.
It worked but too well, I saw his spirit crush inside him and he no longer fought against going to the hospital anymore, but then he did not fight against the disease any more either.
He went down so fast after that, that I never got the chance to tell him why I had said those terrible things to him.
But most of all I thought it was because during the time that his face was being eaten away by herpes, his mind being dissolved by dementia, and his days became more consumed by Narcolepsy, in my mind I once whispered to him to let go, and die.
For I knew I would not abandon him as long as he lived, but that meant that to do that I would have to abandon my dreams, and my life.
The moment I thought this he opened is eyes and stared me in the face,
I knew then he had heard my thoughts, but he never spoke if it.
His last words that night to me were to unstrap his arms, and get him his clothing.
He wanted me to pull the intravenous tubes from his arms, and wanted me to take him back to his home to die, and I would not do that.
When I called Mark, who also like Jean, was considered a brother and family by myself and my family, he then began to read to me a dream that he had, and for some reason awoke and written down only a short time before I called him.
In his reading of this dream Mark described the area about the hospital Ralph was in.
Ralph had asked that no one come to see him because of the way his face had been disfigured by herpes.
Yet although Mark had never been in the area, he described it as if he had been there.
In the dream he said he saw Ralph looking fine and healthy and that he was in the company of a golden yellow light that he said radiated love and peace, and he thought this light to have been Jesus.
During this dream Ralph said things to him that though Mark did not recognize as such, but I knew to be the words of a song that Ralph had written two years before called "Out Of Body."
Mark had never heard the song.
I then realized that, this was Ralph's way of letting me know he had indeed visited Mark.
Being that everyone knew Ralph was as ill as he was it, would be expected that people would dream of him.
But by his visiting Mark whom he had not seen since he became ill, and using words that only I could recognize as coming from his song, he was showing me that these were real visitations and not just dreams.
The beauty of what was done was not lost on me but it did make me sad, that he had not come to see me before he left.
When we arrived at the hospital that morning we were met by the nurse that had been with him when he died.
She was aglow and said excitedly
"Mother do not cry, do not cry," she said grasping my mothers hands "It was so beautiful, so beautiful!
His voice just faded so softly, so softly, as if he was walking away.
I asked him to pray for us."
I am aware that a nurse is supposed to comfort a relative of the deceased, but this was much more than that.
The way she spoke I knew she had seen something more than she was saying.
Nurses see people die everyday, especially in the terminally ill ward, so I knew she had to be use to this.
But it was not like that, she was excited as if she'd had a religious experience.
She seemed to be glowing, and uplifted there was a brightness about her that I cannot explain, I knew she had seen something when Ralph died.
Why else would she ask Ralph that he pray for us?
I wondered if she too had seen the same Clear Light I had seen the night before.
I was never able to ask her for the head nurse seemed annoyed at her excitement and rather crudely dismissed her after she bought us to the room.
As we entered Ralph lay wrapped in his bedding with his hands clasped as if in prayer.
Only his face shown from the white sheets wrapped about his head.
His eyes were fixed on that area that he had watched and spoken to all the day before.
The portal had closed my grand parents had gone,
His lips were parted as if he was in mid speech of a silent prayer.
A Crow which was on the window sill gave a caw leaped off and sailed away.
Ralph's nickname was Crow.
To my amazement the tulips of Brother Bob's had bloomed in a crucifix formation.
I placed my hand over Ralph's clasped hands and said my silent good byes to him and then turned to my mother and said,
" I am going to go to the bathroom to cry now will you be OK?"
She said she would and I went to the men's room entered and closed the door.
I began to weep and suddenly as if it was like a light switch being turned on, the bathroom instantly filled with the sweetest scent that I have ever smelt.
It was like the fragrance of flowers, but not one that I could say I have smelled before.
I am allergic to flowers and the scent of them gives me an instant headache but this did not.
It was a sweet scent not unpleasant but very strong and intense.
It came on so sudden, so potent, so over powering, that it not only startled but actually frightened me and I fled the room.
I composed myself the instant I was out the door.
I asked myself,
"What the hell are you running from, a smell, a scent of flowers?"
"Obviously it is something they used to clean the toilets fool." I scolded myself,
"After all it is a bathroom in a hospital."
I stepped back into the room but the sent was gone.
I stepped back into the hallway to see if maybe the scent had came from there but it hadn't.
At that moment Mother came down the hall, I started telling her about what had happened in the men's room, when the elevator door opened.
She said for me to catch it because we had to hurry up and find a funeral parlor to make preparations for Ralph's burial.
There was a woman on the elevator as we entered she stepped to the back.
I again started to tell mother about what had happened in the men's room but suddenly the elevator filled with the scent.
I asked aloud, " Do you smell that?"
"Smell what?" Mother asked.
"I only smell formaldehyde" said the lady with a smile.
As we were walking out of the hospital I. Mother about what had happened in the bathroom and the elevator.
She was distracted and really did not hear me and said that we had to find a funeral parlor to get him ready to be sent to Virginia.
They had given her the address and directions to a nearby funeral parlor.
We got a taxi and gave the driver the instructions in a matter of moments we pulled to a stop.
As I got out of the cab my heart raced to my throat as I saw my reflection in the large picture window.
I had been here before but it was not déjà vu.
Over the last few days, Ralph had lost his appetite and had not been eating well, so I would make it a point of bringing him something different everyday that I thought he may like.
One evening as I was returning from visiting Ralph in the hospital as the bus was turning into the Journal Square terminal I saw there was a McDonalds not far way.
They had been advertising a hamburger made with melted cheese and sauteed onions, I knew Ralph was fond of those so I thought that I would bring him one the next day for lunch.
When the bus stopped I got off it and walked back to where I had thought I had seen the sign, so that the next day, as I was on the way in I could go get one for him.
I did not know Jersey City that well but I had seen the sign from the bus as we neared the station and guesstimated that it was in walking distance of where the bus let me off.
As we pulled in the station I knew the sign was to my left so as I stepped out of the station I turned to my right and started walking toward where I thought the sign was.
Actually it was a little farther than I thought it was and it was getting dark, and the stores along that stretch was closed and to be honest I was a bit spooked by the darkening empty street, so I picked up my pace.
As I was walking, "The Voice" suddenly whispered to me and said,
"Look to your left."
I did as told and saw my reflection in a huge glass window.
My reflection startled me, but I quickly regained my composure.
"Ralph will be in here soon," the voice said.
I saw a living room setting and thought it was a furniture store, then I looked up and saw the writing, I was standing before a funeral parlor.
This was that same parlor.
What I had been told two weeks earlier had come true.
The following day my father arrived to take me, my sister Theresa, and my mother to Virginia where Ralph would be buried.
Ralph's body was shipped by air, as we were being driven down by my father.
Mother and Pop were in the front seat, I and my sister were in the back.
As we traveled along in silence I noticed a strange cloud in the sky.
It looked like dull metal but it was a cloud, somewhat cylindrical in shape, but still, it was just a cloud though.
I was making notice to myself how odd it looked among the others and thought,
"Ralph I wonder if that is you up there."
That instant the scent of flowers filled the car, the same scent I had encountered in the bathroom and the elevator at the hospital.
"Do you smell that?" I asked.
"Yes," both my mother and sister answered together.
"Yes," my father said, "what is that smell?"
"That's the scent I smelt in the men's room and the elevator of the hospital the day when Ralph died." I said.
"Ahh it's probably something from the outside of the car blowing in through the vents." Pop said.
At that instant it was gone, it did not fade as scents will do.
It was just gone as suddenly as it came, as if it was a light that had been switched on and then switched off.
We rode on in silence.
It was to be two years later that I was watching a program about ghost and spirits which offered an explanation about the scent.
It said that often good spirits or ghost will manifest a sweet scent when they are about.
Four years later I was to read an article in a newsletter sent to me by the S.P.A.C.E Group called the Scent Of Flowers.
This article was to change the course of my life for it was the sole reason that I would come to one of their gatherings, and later become a member.
It was through this group that I was to both have my transformation at Magnetic Mine Road in Brewster New York, and to meet many Experiencers like myself.
One such person was Miss. Carolyn Sue Barnes, with whom I was not only to have many shared experiences with, but with whom I was to later co-produce the program Space Bridge and CO-found the Moonstruck Group with.
It was Carolyn that had written The Scent Of Flowers, the very article that bought me to the Space Group.
If not for that article I would have never come to a gathering, for it was the scent of flowers that lead me there.
This scent was to again return to me on the day that my murdered first cousin Charles, Marcy's brother was buried.
I was unable to attend his funeral.
At the time of his internment, my bedroom filled with this scent so intensely that it awakened me from a deep sleep.
This scent was once even used by ETs to show me something about myself.
Once one clear late winter, early spring night after my transformation at Magnetic Mine Road in Brewster New York, I thought that I had finally made a break through where I was ready to deal with them on a one on one bases.
I was standing in the darkness of my backyard waiting for my dogs to finish their business and I said I would like for you to show yourselves to me in away that it will not frighten me.
Suddenly from the three backyards about mine, I heard the sounds of movements coming toward me.
Instantly I thought to myself, "It's them."
Then I thought.
"How can they show themselves that it will not frighten you?"
I thought, "Well if I was to see a human coming I would be frightened."
In those days there were drug wars going on in my area and so I would think they were muggers or drug fiends and I would be afraid of them.
Then I thought.
"How about if they came as a cat or a dog?
Well, it was really cold that night and I knew if I saw a dog or a cat coming for it to be out there it would have to be abandoned and that always depresses me for I knew with my already having five dogs and one cat I could not take in a stray or lost animal."
Then I thought,
"Well how about if they just showed up as themselves?"
The terror that, that thought sent racing through me is beyond my ability to reproduce here.
Meanwhile the sounds were now coming from the yard next to mine, my heart leaped into my throat.
I looked but I saw nothing at all no dog, no cat, no humans, no aliens.
I was terrified but I was determined not to give in to my fear.
Then suddenly I smelt the sweetest scent of flowers.
It was a scent that I had smelt before, three times when my brother Ralph died,
and once when it awoke me in my bedroom the day that my murdered cousin Charles was being buried in Virginia.
This scent I always associated with a spirit of a departed loved one coming to visit me.
Then I said to myself,
"Nonsense it's flowers or something blooming in one of the yards that's all."
The second I did this the scent vanished.
I panicked and raced into the basement.
"No" I silently argued with myself, "That was the scent of Ralph and Charles."
I stepped again out into the clear night air and again the scent suddenly wafted into my nostrils.
"Nah it was most likely the fragrance of a perfume that some woman that passed by out front was wearing." I thought.
The instant I thought this the scent again "turned off."
I raced again toward the basement, but caught myself and said,
"I know what to do."
I walked over to the pail where I put the sweepings from the yard when I clean up after my dogs.
"Top this!" I said and removed it's lid.
Instantly I was enveloped in the scent again.
I dropped the lid onto the pail, screamed for my dogs to follow me, and raced into the basement and slammed the door.
My hands were shaking so bad that I could barely lock it.
As I quickly walked toward the stairs leading up to my apartment, I thought to myself,
"What the hell was that all about?"
And in my mind "The Voice" calmly said,
"You said to come in a way that we would not scare you.
You see, there is no way that we can come that will not scare you.
"So just what does the scent of flowers really mean?
At this point I am still at a loss to say.
What do you think?
Letters From Visitors
Below you will find letters written to me by a reader, and my responses to them
They are shared here with her permission.
For her privacy I have not posted her Eddress (E-mail address).
If you wish to contact her, please email your letter to me and I will forward them to her. Thank you. Posey Gilbert
Contact from the beyond
Hi I read your article about the scent of flowers from the deceased. This happened to me. My Mother was in a coma for 2 weeks in April of this year. She then died. While in the coma I told her to send me a message when she got to the other side that she was OK. 2 weeks after she died while driving for 5 minutes there was a very strong smell of flowers in the car and then it was gone. I figured this was the sign I asked for. Would like to hear from you. Nancy----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Posey, You can put my experience online. I forgot the site email address where I found your info and where this will be put. Could you let me know what it is? Computer had to be replaced recently and I lost a lot of info.Have you had more than one experience from someone that has died? Do you have any specific ways to contact them or is it just something that happens at times when contact comes? All for now.
Your Friend Nancy
Dear Nancy: I have in fact had another experience with this scent of flowers.
Ten years after my brother Ralph's death, my first cousin Charles was machine gunned down, and murdered on the streets of the South Bronx.
We were like brothers for my mother's sister married my fathers brother.
Unfortunately due to both my illness and my financial condition at that time I was unable to go to Virginia to attend his funeral.
The following Saturday as I was sleeping my dream was permeated by the intense scent of flowers.
It was so powerful it drew the dreamed ME's addition from what was happening to him and he suddenly stated "I know that scent!"
This caused the dreaming me to focus on it, which immediately caused me to awaken.
To my surprise the scent was still present in my bedroom.
It was at first just as even more potent than it was in my dream.
Then it suddenly just turned off.
I immediately thought that I had been visited by Ralph, and was a little upset that I had slept through a visitation by him.
I saw it was 11:00 so I got up hoping maybe it would return, but the scent did not.
I later told my mother about what had happened she asked me what time had it been when I awoke.
I said it had been eleven o'clock.
She said that was the time they were lowering Charles in to his grave, which was next to Ralph's.
I was then understood why the scent had been do powerful.
I had been visited by both Charles and Ralph.
They were letting me know that they were together. While I am at it I will tell you two more experiences that I have had that dealt with flowers,
I once had a dream that a dear friend of mine Ann Obser came to visit me at home.
Ann had retired two years before I was injured on the job.
She was carrying a huge bundle of red, pink and white roses.
It was so large that it was as if she was carrying three rose bushes.
I thinking of how heavy it must have been race over and took them from her, and put them in the sink and turned the water on.
I turned and began to look for something large enough to put them in, but could find nothing.
After a while of looking I realized I had not turned the water off and thought the sink was about to over flow.
When I turned around I saw that I had accidentally turned on the hot water and the rose were now below the water.
"Oh my God I have ruined them!" I thought as I reached in to the steaming water to retrieve them.
But instead of roses I found the sink was full of red, white, pink and black seeds.
I looked around for Ann but she was gone.
I was to learn later that Ann had died that day I had the dream. Then there was the dream I had about a huge and beautiful hotel.
This hotel had a little brook of crystal clear water that meandered through the lobby and down its front steps.
The brooks bed was cut into the black marble floors of the hotel.
All about the lobby was fountains and flowers
Visitors were asked to take off their shoes when entering the hotel.
I was awe struck as I walked through this lobby for it was like a huge park or better to say garden.
As I was walking along I heard someone call me,
It to my surprise, was Rose Marie Webb.
She was a young lady that I loved very much.
We met the first day I started work at the Federal Reserve Bank Of New York.
I hadn't seen Rose for ten years, not since I was fired from the Foreign Operation Department.
(After threatening to file a law suet against the FED I was transferred to the Cash Department.)
Anyway in this dream Rose was sitting below a tree and proudly showed me her son.
We began to talk and walk through the lobby.
It was just like we were in life, joking and laughing for hours it seemed.
Then we came to a black gate which she walked through.
I started to follow her through but she suddenly turned and pushed me back out, smiled and drew the gate closed between us.
That was where the dream ended.
Five years later I received an invitation to a Turning Forty Birthday Party thrown by Gail Randell another dear friend of mine, whom I also worked with in the Foreign Operations Department.
It was at that party that I learned Rose Marie had died of cancer five years before then.
So you see there are many ways other than scent that loved ones that pass can contact you, but it seems that they are the one that initiate the contact.
Personally I think that is the better way, for there are other things that can and will take on the form of a love one if you try to contact them yourself.
Once you open that door, if you do not know what you are doing anything can come through it.
Butch's Ghost Nonts And Souls and The Nonts
I hope you find this letter useful.
The Blue Pages The Blue Pages DSL